When Death Is around the Corner

          My husband, whom I married eleven months ago, had a return of his cancer a few months ago. It is now terminal, and last week he entered hospice care in his home. As you know if you have been following my blog, we kept our separate homes even after we got married, he in his in Medford and I in mine on the mountain in the Applegate. Now I have moved into his house to be with him during these last days, weeks, or months. 

          The hospice people are wonderful, and the help of our 'round-the-clock caregivers invaluable. Mike is immobile in bed, but his head is clear. So far he is walking that thin edge between enough meds to keep his pain level tolerable but not so many he becomes fuzzy-headed. He uses that clear head to see to end-of-life matters. He has seen to it that his business, which he built up, will continue with the same strength it has today. He has made sure to see the important people in his life. He has been courageous in his decline, generous in his appreciation, and good-humored through it all. He is showing us all how to die well.

          Writing poetry has been one of the primary outlets to my own emotions. So today's post will be two of those poems.

Like a Novice Standing before the Convent Gate

April 15, 2020

Like a novice standing before the convent gate

who thinks, "When I enter that gate

my life will be forever changed,"

I stand at my husband's door

knowing that once I enter

my life will never be the same.

I am surrendering my life not to God

but to my husband

so his last days can be as good

as all the rest of

our short life together.

My plainsong will praise him.

My hymns will rejoice in our love.

Our God will be the holiness in each other.

We took our vows eleven months ago.

Now, like the novice walking through the convent gate

I take a deep breath, smile, and enter with strong steps

to await the hospital bed that will bring him home to die.

Journeys

April 18, 2020

Paul Revere dashed through the countryside

Warning the neighborhoods of danger

Whipping his horse into a lather of hurry

The Apollo astronauts floated 240,000 miles

for three days through the universe

to land on the glorious silver orb of the moon

The voyageurs paddled three thousand miles

portaging 200 pounds and more

for the profit of the Hudson's Bay Company

You and I walked up mountains and down

over pass after pass for thirteen days

and ninety-eight miles in the Dolomites

Now, immobilized and weakened by cancer,

you blast into our spheres of consciousness

with the heroism of ninety Paul Reveres

and the strength of a hundred voyageurs and Apollo astronauts,

as you embark on a journey far beyond

the glorious silver orb of the moon.