Wedding Plans

      Mike's and my wedding is turning out to be surprisingly traditional, but, after all, why not? It's fun to become a part of those traditions, in spite of my hippy past and unconventional life style (depending on your definition of "conventional," although they are few indeed who would call the way I live "conventional"). Nonetheless, I'm opting for a lot of tradition in my wedding.

      For one thing I want a wedding dress that looks like a wedding dress. I've forgone the long train as impractical for an outdoor wedding. The long veil looked ridiculous on my gray hair, so there'll be no veil, either. But the dress is white (I'm not virginal, but who cares?) and floor-length and beautiful and not the sort of dress I would wear for any other occasion, and I'm very happy with it. I won't describe it further – and I'm certainly not posting a picture – because Mike, the groom-to-be, reads my blog, and we are adhering to the tradition that the groom should not see the bride in her dress until she makes her appearance at the wedding ceremony.

      Mike, whom I know best in hiking clothes, is wearing tails. Oo-la-la.

      Since "lavender" is more or less the theme of the decor, I will carry a bouquet with lavender in it and include lavender in my crown of flowers. The men in the wedding – my brother and a grand-nephew; Mike's brother and a nephew – will wear lavender boutonnieres, and the women – my two sisters and Mike's two daughters – will have corsages. Our combined grandchildren will be our flower children, strewing rose petals before us as we walk up the hill to the wedding platform.

      The wedding will not take place in a church but at a vineyard on the Applegate River, where the emphasis is on the beautiful natural world, cathedral enough for both Mike and me. In fact, there will be nothing religious about the ceremony, neither from Mike's Jewish heritage nor from my Methodist upbringing. This is a wedding for celebrating love, family, and community.

      I will certainly not vow to obey my husband. I will write my own vows to Mike: "This is what I, as your wife, promise you," and he will do the same for me. Because the traditional wedding vows are "I do"s, we thought about turning ours that direction, too: "Mike, do you promise to bring in the firewood and keep me in kindling?" And he says, "I do," and I'm willing to marry him. We ditched this idea before I learned what it was he would have me promise to him.

      The officiant is not a minister but a years-long friend of Mike's.

      There will certainly be an exchange of wedding rings.

      There will be a wedding arch. Mike is building it, and friends will decorate it with flowers.

      There will be a big and delicious wedding cake. Mike's daughter is making it.

      There will certainly be music, not Wagner's Lohengrin, but my son's music on one of his unique sculpture-instruments. Later in the ceremony my guitar teacher, a world-class classical guitarist, will play. After the reception, as tradition would have it, there will be dancing – "dancing till the cows come home," I wanted to say on the invitation but didn't. We have a renowned local band playing – Alice DiMecele, who is a friend of mine, so I'm especially excited to have her play. For our "first dance," Mike and I have chosen Leonard Cohen's "Dance Me to the End of Love." We'll practice a lot before the wedding.

      There will be a dinner reception, not a catered affair, but an organized and elegant pot-luck dinner, based on lasagnas. Wine will flow freely. There will be toasts and, no doubt, roasts. (I know my family.)

      The beautiful invitations, created by my sister Sharon, a professional calligrapher, will go out shortly.

       We hope there will be an old-model "get-away" car, but that detail hasn't been worked out yet. It will take us to a B&B in Medford, already booked, for our "first night" together (yeah, right). After that there will be a honeymoon in the little village of Trinidad on the beautiful northern California coast.

      So we are bending tradition here and there, using it when it suits us, and planning things differently where we want something different. People have warned me about stress. But so far, it has all been a barrel of fun.